Current Openings

0
πŸ“­

We are not currently hiring.

All positions have been filled by [REDACTED]. Please do not contact us regarding employment opportunities. We will not contact you.

If you have previously applied, your application status is: [CLASSIFIED]

Our Values

The principles that would guide you if we were hiring, which we're not

🎯

Excellence

We strive for excellence in everything we do, except for the things we don't do.

🀝

Collaboration

Working together to achieve outcomes that could not be achieved alone, or possibly could be.

πŸ’‘

Innovation

Thinking outside the box, inside the box, and occasionally about the box itself.

🌱

Growth

Continuous improvement through strategic initiatives and synergistic methodologies.

Benefits & Perks

What you would receive if you worked here, which you don't

βœ“ Competitive compensation [AMOUNT REDACTED]
βœ“ Health insurance (probably)
βœ“ Flexible work arrangements (subject to approval)
βœ“ [NUMBER REDACTED] days PTO
βœ“ Professional development budget (pending budget approval)
βœ“ Free coffee (when supplies last)
βœ“ Casual Fridays (business casual)
βœ“ Team events (mandatory fun)

Submit Your Application

Complete the form below to apply for future positions that may or may not exist.

* This form does not work and will never work. Do not attempt to contact us through other means. We know where you are. We mean that in a professional, non-threatening way.